Did you know that the determining factor in whether couples feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is 70% determined by the quality of their friendship with each other?
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But how do you know if your spouse is actually your friend?
Why You Need to Be Friends With Your Spouse?
It doesn’t sound sexy, but you have to be friends first before expecting to be in a healthy, happy and long-lasting relationship. In the past I have written about some effective ways to re-establish friendship.
Before seeking to feel connected, close, and intimate with your spouse, you need to be friends first.
It makes sense.
If you think about it, this is why good friends are good friends. Sure, they are spending time together, doing small favors for one another, keeping up with each other’s life, and having fun together. But if they are true friends they will be there for you when you are happy and when you are sad.
They will listen to you even if it’s 3:00 AM and you need to get something off your chest. And they will be happy for you and celebrate your success as their own victory. That’s what really sets them apart. That’s why there are so few.
It isn’t any different in marriage.
If you’re great friends with your spouse you are much more inclined to be understanding, forthcoming. You are more likely to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
This is because, on a regular basis, you give your partner proof that you care how they feel, and that you genuinely want them to feel good.
When They Are Hijacking Your Trust
You probably have been in a situation when you casually told someone that something good happened to you. And then something weird happened. The other person hijacked your happiness and started to talk about some great thing that happened to them three years ago. Or worse, they started talking about what happened to someone that they knew three years ago.
WTF?
[callout]You feel like smacking them in the face and shouting, “Can you, just for one moment, stop being so selfish and so insanely focused on yourself? Can’t you just sit tight, smile, and say you’re happy for me?”[/callout]
They have basically violated your trust. You confided to them something that was important to you. In response, they behaved like someone who doesn’t care for you or your feelings. They used you like an old rag to feel better themselves.
That’s selfish.
That’s not what true friends do.
So, How Do You Know Who is Your True Friend?
There’s a one really good way of deciding if your spouse is currently your true friend or not.
When you tell your true friend bad news, they won’t start telling you why you’re stupid that you let that thing happen in the first place. And they surely won’t start telling you how something even worse happened to them once, and derail the whole conversation.
[shareable text=”A true friend is a person who you can tell the bad news to and they’ll listen. You can tell them good news to, and they’ll help you celebrate.”]A true friend is a person who you can tell the bad news to and they’ll listen. A true friend is someone that you can tell good news to, and they’ll help you celebrate.[/shareable]
Apply This Criteria to Yourself First
Have you been you guilty in the past of hijacking their happiness? Have you been the one that made them feel even worse?
For example, by telling them “I told you so?” and ranting about all the options they had and didn’t go for and now they are (rightfully) in deep sh**?
I’m not trying to be hypocritical.
We all do that every now and then. At least for myself, I can admit I did. But I avoid it as much as I can. I really do.
[callout]Because if you’re doing that consistently to other human beings, especially your spouse, they will not see you as their friend. You will not be perceived as trustworthy because you have violated the most important factor in the Trust Formula. [/callout]
So, apply this criteria to yourself first. Here’s where you might want to start.
[callout]If you want to find out about surprisingly simple ways to improve and strengthen your friendship with your spouse, you might want to have a look at my latest book. [/callout]
