This post is about proven ways and “best practices” that will split your relationship right down the middle. These methods work flawlessly, no matter what stage—or state—your relationship is in right now.
As a special bonus, you’re going to learn how to become a jerk in your loved one’s eyes (or how to become a greater one).
It’s no small feat, spending 18,000 days with another human being. And be able to do so happily? Marriage isn’t the honeymoon on a remote beach—it’s day five of vacation #19 that you take together.
Marriage is not a celebration for buying your first house—it’s having dinner in that house for the 3,285th time. And it’s certainly not Valentine’s Day or a barbecue party for your birthday.
Marriage is Forgettable Tuesday. Together.
So I’ll leave the butterflies, the roses, your heartbeat chanting your loved one’s name, the kisses in the rain, and the three-times-a-day sex to you—you’ll work that part out, I’m sure.
This post is about the best way to make Forgettable Tuesday (and all others that follow) happy ones.
You might remember the Lieutenant Columbo TV series, with Columbo played by Peter Falk? For the uninitiated, Lt. Columbo was that trenchcoat-wearing, cigar-smoking television detective of the Los Angeles Police Homicide Bureau. The show ran off and on from 1971 to 2003.
Columbo was an exceptionally successful detective. He used his humble ways and ingenuous demeanor to put people at ease, allowing them to open up and tell him things they otherwise wouldn’t. Here’s how this relates to your conversations with your spouse.
You’d probably laugh and call me crazy if I told you I’m expecting to see the sunset in the east. You and I both know this won’t happen.
You may find this example to be silly, and yet I see many couples living in misery because in their relationship they are expecting to see the sunset while looking to the east.
By doing so, they are setting themselves up for perpetual disappointment and frustration. This post covers the 9 most damaging expectations that can break up any relationship and keep you miserable and unhappy for a very long time.
You become what you think about. You’ve heard this saying before, right? Similarly, a happy or an unhappy marriage always starts with a thought.
How couples think and what partners believe to be true about each other matters much more than lack of communication. If negative beliefs prevail they can kill any relationship, including yours. This post is about how you can prevent this from happening and directly influence how you and your mate think about and perceive each other.
Even the most die-hard lovers eventually discover that their loved one is not “perfect” after all. For some, this represents major frustration.
For others, this is a reason to start contemplating a way out. Here’s the thing. You can look for the perfect person your whole life, but this will only make you permanently unhappy.
It’s almost the same kind of mistake as having a baby to repair a broken relationship. Many people wrongly believe their intimate relationship is supposed to heal their troubles, solve their personal problems, and bring purpose back to their lives.
In other words, they expect their partner to fill the gaps in their life. They even marry for that reason. What a terrible mistake!
Have you ever listened to the instructions that airlines give you just before the airplane takes off? That is, to put on your own oxygen mask first before putting them on your kids.
Why would the airline want you do that? Isn’t your duty as a parent to take care of your kids first? Actually, no. The reason is simple. Should you become faint from lack of oxygen, you won’t be much good to your kids at all! Many couples fail to see the same logic when it comes to their own relationship.
When relationship troubles start, we tend to point a finger in another direction, mainly at our spouse. “I’ve tried everything…” (I’ve tried to change him/her, but it doesn’t work.)
We know to the last detail what they would have to do (and then, everything would be fine). We know exactly how they need to change so then we can get our relationship back on track again. The problem is, changing other people is a hard job. Changing your spouse is even harder. And it almost never works. Here’s what you can do instead.
Did you know that falling in love produces a biological state that is highly similar to being on cocaine? If you were in love, then you surely remember that special time.
Back then it was impossible not to notice how beautiful she was. You fell in love with how smart he was, how everything she said was interesting, and you even loved the way he teased you. But, as it always does, this intense beautiful period passed. Does that mean we’re doomed after the in-love phase is over?
When my wife and I were in our deepest trouble, one of the “themes” was our relentless focus on the things that didn’t work.
I know all too well how horrible it feels when your life mate starts to see only things they don’t like. Things you screwed up (again). Sometimes it seems they are on a mission to prove that they are right (and you are wrong).
Sometimes it feels like your spouse is deliberately overlooking the overwhelming number of things that do work. The scary part is that even the most loving couples can get hung up on negative beliefs about each other pretty easily, without even noticing.