Successful couples love each other deeply, but they don’t rely on loving feelings to come naturally.
They create them.
This post is about how you can reach out to your spouse and make them feel special, no matter how busy you are. In fact, you’ll be able to start right now (or right when your spouse gets home).
The Little Things That Matter
For many of us, life has become so fast-paced that we often forget to enjoy the small things. Other times we mean well, but feel we just don’t have the time to show our loved ones how we feel, so we say “I’ll do something nice tomorrow.” Without even noticing we have done so, we put the people we love the most on the back burner.
Happy couples nourish their partnerships regularly and often. They don’t set their life on cruise control, expecting to be happy.
They ask themselves frequently “What can I do today to make my partner’s life more pleasurable?”
These little things accumulate over time and make a huge difference.
Don’t Wait For a Special Occasion
According to Dr. Gottman, one of the few living legends in marital therapy, stable marriages need five positive interactions for every bad one. ‘Positive’ could mean a loving hug, a fun afternoon spent together, or a nice chat about a movie. Anything positive. A ‘bad’ interaction may be a row, disagreement, or disappointment.
Therefore, if you’re waiting on some special event to make your spouse feel loved, think again. It doesn’t work that way. It simply can’t.
There’s only one Valentine’s Day in a year and only one day when you celebrate your wedding anniversary (I hope you do). These won’t be enough to sustain your feelings.
The Lowest-Hanging Fruit
To illustrate my point, here’s something that influenced my relationship with my wife in a bigger way than I could have imagined.
For a couple of years I have had a home office. Every day, just before my wife is about to leave our home for work, I go and hug her. I give her a warm kiss and wish her a good day. If I know she’s going to have a particularly challenging day, I give her a thumbs up and say how confident I am she will do great job.
Sometimes, if I’m already working and don’t hear her leaving she calls “Am I not getting my kiss today?” My wife got “addicted” to this little ritual.
How do I know? She told me.
Too often though, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring—all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Perhaps it is the simplicity of it that makes it so easy to overlook and dismiss, even though it’s the lowest-hanging fruit.
And it’s the most powerful too.
Your Daily Happiness Espresso
Knowing what we know from the research of Dr. Gottman, one thing becomes obvious. It all comes down to creating loving feelings for the ones we love as frequently as possible.
What’s better than that warm feeling in your heart when you realize your partner is thinking about you, and did something for you—just because?
Therefore, today, pause and think about how lucky you are to have someone so special in your life. Not because you want a favor back, but because you love them and would do it even though they may never return the favor.
Just like a great cup of espresso gives you that extra rush of energy you need to power through the day, Your Daily Happiness Espresso will work the same way. But instead of taking in caffeine, your spouse will get an extra rush of loving feelings.
From you.
The best part?
- You don’t need cooperation from your partner to start.
- It will take very little of your time—sometimes only seconds!
- You can do it at home.
- It’s free!
Your Turn
If asked, most people can’t think of more than just a few ideas. They need a ‘starter kit,’ so I put together a free cheat sheet called Your Daily Happiness Espresso: 12 Free Ways to Instantly Connect and Boost Your Love in 5 Minutes or Less.
You can start now, or right when your loved one gets home.
The results are magical.
QUESTION: What is your favorite way to make your spouse feel special? Share in comments below. You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.