Notice Your Spouse

The Easiest Way to Start Changing the Metabolism of Your Relationship

Let’s say you are the owner of a small shop somewhere where most of the people still know each other personally. A valued, long-time customer steps in.  

Notice Your Spouse

What do you do?

I bet this is what happens next.

  • When they enter, you look up.   
  • If they’re looking your way, you give them a smile (or at least a nod).
  • Maybe you greet them with something along the lines of “Nice seeing you again, what can I do for you today?”
  • Since you’ve known them a long time, you inquire about their kids, or whether they managed to fix that leak in the roof they were telling you about the last time.  

Nothing spectacular, right?

Or would you give your customer a grumpy look?

I’d guess not. They’d leave without buying a thing.  

You might argue, “But they are my customers, I appreciate their business.”

And you would be right.

It’s About Respect

We seem to forget how we spoke to our partner before getting romantically involved. Back then, you were probably kinder and more aware of their feelings when you talked to them. After the familiarity settles in, that same sense of respect many times gets set aside, as we begin to take our partner for granted.  

Many couples complain about how they always fight, and how angry they are at one another. And yet, in many aspects they fail to show this kind of basic respect—to notice each other. Then they wonder why don’t they get along better.

The good thing is that it’s never too late show your spouse that you care. And, it’s insanely simple; you can start today and you won’t even need cooperation from your loved one.

Here’s what I want you to do for the next five days. When your loved one enters the room, stop doing whatever you were doing. Look up. Put your phone down, pause the TV. Give them a smile. Compliment them. Say something nice. In short, notice them.

If they ask you what’s going on, simply say “You look gorgeous today” or “That shirt looks really nice on you” or “Oh, I just remembered I wanted to thank you for…” Give them a little compliment. Thank them for something. Give them credit for something they did yesterday.


Then observe your spouse’s face.

Small gestures can make your spouse feel 10 feet tall, and yet they take so little effort on your part. That’s because they’re sending a powerful message:  “Dear spouse, I love when I see you.”

What if in Fact You Are Not Happy to See Them?

That’s a valid point. My wife told me that there were times when she couldn’t even look at me. Luckily these times are long gone. But I get the point.

Maybe you’ve been hurt. It takes certain amount of courage to be the first and take the lead in bringing kindness back into your relationship. But there’s really no other alternative.

Start with the simplest thing which is to be nice. And that starts with respect.

When your spouse enters the room, take a second or two to notice them. 

If it doesn’t feel natural at first, that’s OK. Just fake it.

Nothing lifts your partner’s spirits more than feeling how special they are to you. This, from my experience, is the way to start changing the metabolism of your relationship for the better surprisingly quickly.

Therefore, do something nice and beautiful for your partner because, well, just because today you paused and thought about how lucky you are to have someone so special in your life. Because you enjoy making him feel good. Because you know it will make her feel loved.

If you want discover 179 simple ways to make your spouse feel special, you might want to check out my new book The 5 Love Rituals: Connect and Keep Your Love Alive No Matter How Busy You Are.
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