Personally, I agree with Mauricio Abadi, author of the book Reality and/or Realities, and his definition of being in love:
“When we fall in love, we don’t see our partner as he or she really is. Instead, the person of our desire serves as a screen onto which we project an idealized image of our perfect partner.”
In probably the most reliable survey ever done on divorce, by Joan Kelly, Ph.D. and Lynn Gigy, Ph.D from the Divorce Mediation project in Corte Madera, California, only 20% to 27% of couples said an extramarital affair was even partially to blame for their divorce.
In contrast, 73% to 80% of divorced men and women said their marriage broke up because they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness, because they didn’t feel loved and appreciated.
The facial muscles that make you smile when you laugh are coincidentally (or not!) neighboring the very part of the brain that is also responsible for the production of serotonin.
Serotonin controls sleep, memory, learning, temperature and—you guessed it—mood and behavior.
Here comes a simple truth.
You’d probably laugh and call me crazy if I told you I’m expecting to see the sunset in the east. You and I both know this won’t happen.
You may find this example to be silly, and yet I see many couples living in misery because in their relationship they are expecting to see the sunset while looking to the east.
By doing so, they are setting themselves up for perpetual disappointment and frustration. This post covers the 9 most damaging expectations that can break up any relationship and keep you miserable and unhappy for a very long time.
Even the most die-hard lovers eventually discover that their loved one is not “perfect” after all. For some, this represents major frustration.
For others, this is a reason to start contemplating a way out. Here’s the thing. You can look for the perfect person your whole life, but this will only make you permanently unhappy.
Here’s why.
It’s almost the same kind of mistake as having a baby to repair a broken relationship. Many people wrongly believe their intimate relationship is supposed to heal their troubles, solve their personal problems, and bring purpose back to their lives.
In other words, they expect their partner to fill the gaps in their life. They even marry for that reason. What a terrible mistake!
When relationship troubles start, we tend to point a finger in another direction, mainly at our spouse. “I’ve tried everything…” (I’ve tried to change him/her, but it doesn’t work.)
We know to the last detail what they would have to do (and then, everything would be fine). We know exactly how they need to change so then we can get our relationship back on track again. The problem is, changing other people is a hard job. Changing your spouse is even harder. And it almost never works. Here’s what you can do instead.
Did you know that falling in love produces a biological state that is highly similar to being on cocaine? If you were in love, then you surely remember that special time.
Back then it was impossible not to notice how beautiful she was. You fell in love with how smart he was, how everything she said was interesting, and you even loved the way he teased you. But, as it always does, this intense beautiful period passed. Does that mean we’re doomed after the in-love phase is over?