Personally, I agree with Mauricio Abadi, author of the book Reality and/or Realities, and his definition of being in love:
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“When we fall in love, we don’t see our partner as he or she really is. Instead, the person of our desire serves as a screen onto which we project an idealized image of our perfect partner.”
You’d probably laugh and call me crazy if I told you I’m expecting to see the sunset in the east. You and I both know this won’t happen.
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You may find this example to be silly, and yet I see many couples living in misery because in their relationship they are expecting to see the sunset while looking to the east.
By doing so, they are setting themselves up for perpetual disappointment and frustration. This post covers the 9 most damaging expectations that can break up any relationship and keep you miserable and unhappy for a very long time.
You become what you think about. You’ve heard this saying before, right? Similarly, a happy or an unhappy marriage always starts with a thought.
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How couples think and what partners believe to be true about each other matters much more than lack of communication. If negative beliefs prevail they can kill any relationship, including yours. This post is about how you can prevent this from happening and directly influence how you and your mate think about and perceive each other.
Even the most die-hard lovers eventually discover that their loved one is not “perfect” after all. For some, this represents major frustration.
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For others, this is a reason to start contemplating a way out. Here’s the thing. You can look for the perfect person your whole life, but this will only make you permanently unhappy.
Here’s why.
It’s almost the same kind of mistake as having a baby to repair a broken relationship. Many people wrongly believe their intimate relationship is supposed to heal their troubles, solve their personal problems, and bring purpose back to their lives.
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In other words, they expect their partner to fill the gaps in their life. They even marry for that reason. What a terrible mistake!
Did you know that falling in love produces a biological state that is highly similar to being on cocaine? If you were in love, then you surely remember that special time.
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Back then it was impossible not to notice how beautiful she was. You fell in love with how smart he was, how everything she said was interesting, and you even loved the way he teased you. But, as it always does, this intense beautiful period passed. Does that mean we’re doomed after the in-love phase is over?
According to John Gottman’s research and the experience of most couples’ counselors, the behavior that predicts divorce with over 90% accuracy is stonewalling.
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My wife and I didn’t divorce, but we were THAT close. Admittedly, during that time, I was guilty of resorting to what I also call radio silence.