Imagine you want to talk with your spouse in the middle of a tornado. Debris is flying around, you are shouting, your spouse is shouting, the wind is roaring. You can’t hear each other. Nice setting to have a talk, right?
Now, imagine you decide to get out of the way of the tornado. You simply wait for it to pass. Then, you invite your spouse to sit with you on the porch, have a drink, and talk. Which way would you prefer? I mean, if you’re not an obsessive adrenaline junkie, the answer is clear. This post is about how to avoid getting to a point when all you hear is roaring and things get really nasty. That’s when feelings get hurt.
Say you bought something in a store and it doesn’t work. You call the company’s customer support. Whether you are right or wrong, two scenarios can unfold.
In the first scenario the customer support representative goes into defence mode. Without even knowing the details, they start implying it’s your fault, making you feel like an idiot. In the process, they’re making you angrier by the second. In fact, they are making you feel sorry you bought their product in the first place.
Do you have disagreements with your spouse? If you do, congratulations! That means your relationship is alive and kicking. All happy couples have conflicts. If you didn’t have any, I’d be worried for you. That’s because when you don’t care enough to disagree, your relationship may just as well be dead.
In this post you’re going to learn how to express disagreement in a structured and non-threatening way. If you can handle complaints (and even criticism) without feeling attacked, you can turn any disagreement into a connecting exercise that only makes your relationship stronger.
Have you ever been on a diet? Has it ever happened that while you were going toward the fridge, you were telling yourself, “I shouldn’t eat that cake, I really shouldn’t.”
Then your hand somehow got into the fridge. You actually saw it going in there! You grabbed the plate with the cake, took it out, and ate it. What happened?
Have you ever met someone who just seemed to end your every thought with “but?” It starts to get annoying, right? It feels like nothing you say is valid, because they know better.
It seems that in our society every other sentence contains the word ‘but’. The other person says something, and we soon follow with a big ‘but.’ Beware, though. ‘But’ is a little word with big consequences.
Great listeners listen to understand. Lousy ones listen to reply. Here’s another truth. Great listeners also know how to ask so they get a meaningful answer.
In this post you’ll discover how to formulate your questions the right way so you will be able to get your spouse to open up—no matter how distant they feel.