Category: Marriage and Relationships

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Marriage and Relationships

The Only Way to Make Your Spouse Change

How to Make Your Spouse Change

When relationship troubles start, we tend to point a finger in another direction, mainly at our spouse. “I’ve tried everything…” (I’ve tried to change him/her, but it doesn’t work.)

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We know to the last detail what they would have to do (and then, everything would be fine). We know exactly how they need to change so then we can get our relationship back on track again. The problem is, changing other people is a hard job. Changing your spouse is even harder. And it almost never works. Here’s what you can do instead.

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Marriage and Relationships

The Difference Between Being ‘In Love’ and ‘True Love’

The difference between being in love and true love

Did you know that falling in love produces a biological state that is highly similar to being on cocaine? If you were in love, then you surely remember that special time.

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Back then it was impossible not to notice how beautiful she was. You fell in love with how smart he was, how everything she said was interesting, and you even loved the way he teased you. But, as it always does, this intense beautiful period passed. Does that mean we’re doomed after the in-love phase is over?

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Marriage and Relationships

Pick the Flowers, not the Weeds

Focus on What is working and let the rest go

When my wife and I were in our deepest trouble, one of the “themes” was our relentless focus on the things that didn’t work.

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I know all too well how horrible it feels when your life mate starts to see only things they don’t like. Things you screwed up (again). Sometimes it seems they are on a mission to prove that they are right (and you are wrong).

[callout]Sometimes it feels like your spouse is deliberately overlooking the overwhelming number of things that do work. The scary part is that even the most loving couples can get hung up on negative beliefs about each other pretty easily, without even noticing.[/callout]

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Marriage and Relationships

Radio Silence That Hurts

Stonewalling is hurting your relationship

According to John Gottman’s research and the experience of most couples’ counselors, the behavior that predicts divorce with over 90% accuracy is stonewalling.

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My wife and I didn’t divorce, but we were THAT close. Admittedly, during that time, I was guilty of resorting to what I also call radio silence.

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Marriage and Relationships

Tearing Off Flesh From Your Spouse

Sarcasm hurts your relationship

“Oh yeah, I forgot. You’re perfect.”
I bet you’ve used this phrase before.
Or you’ve been on the receiving end. Or both.

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It’s a classic example of sarcasm and it might seem harmless. Beware though, you’re on very thin ice here. That’s because sarcasm is psychologically rooted in anger, distrust, and frustration. It’s one of those nasty habits with damaging consequences, like smoking.

If you are frequently using sarcasm, believing this makes you sound smart or funny, think again. Your bad habit may be harming your relationship with your spouse (as well as with other people) much more than you realize.

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Marriage and Relationships

How to Avoid Waking Up Next to a Stranger

How to avoid being married to a stranger

Imagine you meet a friend from your youth whom you’ve lost touch with. It’s been years since you saw each other. Sure, it’s a nice surprise and you’re both pleased to meet.

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But it feels a bit awkward, after so much time. It’s not the same anymore. There’s little to say aside from the usual “Do you have any kids?” or “Where do you work?”

The same thing happens to so many married couples. One day, they wake up and realize that the person lying next to them is a complete stranger.

What happened?

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Marriage and Relationships

How to Make Up When Your Spouse is Still Upset

How-to-apologize-to-your-spouse

Have you ever tried to apologize, but ended up in a much bigger fight? You wanted to say you were sorry, but then you said something that really set your partner off?

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Admitting when you’re wrong is hard. Knowing when, and especially how, to apologize earns you appreciation and respect. On the other hand, doing it wrong consistently makes you look like a jerk. It builds resentment, and soon, your partner will probably start behaving the same way. Therefore, this post is not about preventing you from messing things up, but what you can do about it afterwards.

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Marriage and Relationships

How to Negotiate With Your Spouse For a Win-Win

How to negotiate with your spouse for a win-win

It’s often said that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. That doesn’t sound so great, does it? The reality is, though, that in much of your marriage, you will be in constant agreement to do something, one way or another, with more than a large gray area in between.

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This can be anything from picking where to go out for dinner, to where you will go on vacation this year, and similar things. Or it can mean more serious decisions, like moving across the country because your partner got a promotion, and now you have to leave your friends and family behind. Agreeing to do something, when done properly, can enhance a feeling of connection and harmony, while the opposite leads to frustration, anger, depression, and all sorts of really toxic behaviors.

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Marriage and Relationships

3 Steps to Preventing a Meltdown During Conflict

How to stop making fights worse

Imagine you want to talk with your spouse in the middle of a tornado. Debris is flying around, you are shouting, your spouse is shouting, the wind is roaring. You can’t hear each other. Nice setting to have a talk, right?

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Now, imagine you decide to get out of the way of the tornado. You simply wait for it to pass. Then, you invite your spouse to sit with you on the porch, have a drink, and talk. Which way would you prefer? I mean, if you’re not an obsessive adrenaline junkie, the answer is clear. This post is about how to avoid getting to a point when all you hear is roaring and things get really nasty. That’s when feelings get hurt.

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Marriage and Relationships

How to Receive Complaints and Criticism Gracefully

Say you bought something in a store and it doesn’t work. You call the company’s customer support. Whether you are right or wrong, two scenarios can unfold.

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In the first scenario the customer support representative goes into defence mode. Without even knowing the details, they start implying it’s your fault, making you feel like an idiot. In the process, they’re making you angrier by the second. In fact, they are making you feel sorry you bought their product in the first place.

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